Oh well, now I’m the bad one.
I need to confess something, something I’ve been holding on for too long, way too long.
I think I’ve decided to break up with someone, I dont know can we really break up with someone who we thought will be forever for us?
I think I’ve decide to break up with my sister, nor that I already did, my mom will be crying begging for me not too.
Well, I will do it silently, I can not hold it anymore, other else I’ll be the one who is frustrated.
No, I haven’t come to this decision quickly, I’ve been trying to get along with her, for more than ten years, and I’m sorry, to be honest, the only way I can describe our relationship is like a bipolar, too much on and off its like she can flip my feelings in one minute and push it in another minute and lighten it in few minutes, all the time whenever she want. I’m tired..
I feel like I have nothing left to feed this relationship, so enough please. In her eyes, she is perfect and I’m something needs to fix, I am wrong for caring too much. She’s great lets say and I’m fuck up. I always be the one who is stressed and such a mess, I cant bare it anymore, I’m typing this crying, tapping with full emotion like I don’t want.. I am getting old and I only want people around me who love and support me.
you, you and you must be think I’m cruel. but if you do, before you judge me, you should know you realize you never had someone in your inner circle who can hurts you this much. without doing physical attract. just from words, and behavior.
some of you will reminds me all the time “life is short” “wont you be sad if she is not around anymore?” “wont you regret what you did” “wont you just act normal, all siblings are fighting” “she is your sister in bloood, she is your forever sister”
I’m sorry, I know you meant well, but you are not me, so you are wrong.. I feel I have no choice but trying to disconnect from her.
what strange is, I don’t feel guilty or upset like I have done previously when I’ve tried doing this. And no, she is not the only explanation for all the things I have gone wrong in my life, I also deal with some serious problems this year, but I try and I have tried to surround myself with the right and positive people to help me through it. I don’t want another explosive fireball, like a grenade, I’m the one who witness how she act, behave, treat me, or my mom. I tried to talk. but what I get is another anger towards myself, so I kept silent. Like right now, until I feel like I need to let it out of my chest.
All the work I do, all the progress and the process I make, she wont care a bit, as if I haven’t done anything, leaving me the feeling of reeling and wondering what just happened??
Now for the first time, I can say that I wont let that happen. anymore, Every single person in my inner circle are good for me, those who are not good as in not even care for how I feel about them, have no place in my life, or in my future.
I know even I still have to pretend a lot in front of my mother, as much as this will hurt my parents and effect my family, I feel I dont have any choice rather then careless towards her.
maybe she can do better with other people
maybe she have another sister that she can rely on, since I’m such a wreck for her.
I’m sorry, for me,